my silent tears;

2009-05-17T22:33:00.004+08:00

WWW.SAYNEVERBYE.BLOGSPOT.COM !

Relink, tq! :D

2009-05-17T20:20:00.002+08:00

Upside down .

I'm miserably missing you, everyday, every sec of my life.
How, how cam I delete your name from my memory?
Teach me how to, I'm desperate to forget you.
Maybe I still can't get over th fact tht I've lost th man I love most.
I never knew how to treasure you whn we were together.
I know, I treated you like my maid nd ordered you arnd.
I regretted, I tried making up for all those things I've did.
But you still won't come back, still don't want to.
I don't know how to say sorry, I still can't bent down nd apologize.
Hais.

I can't forgive you, can't forget you.

2009-05-17T10:29:00.002+08:00

把懦弱隐藏起来并不代表不会受伤.

If you can see through my eyes, you will see, I'm empty.

2009-05-17T10:06:00.002+08:00

I only want you to remember, a girl once loved you so deep .

W/o me, your life is so much happier.
I'm just a burden, something you never wanted in your life.
I guess, we were never meant to be.
Fate didn't brought us together, neither did destiny.
Our lives shouldn't had intercept, we shouldn't had crossed paths.
Fairytales, are meant for prince nd princess.
You're a prince, but I'm just a commoner.
Things were meant to end up like this.

Sigh.

I wake up every morn, wondering wht you're doing.
I'm tired.
Boy, you promised a shoulder to rely on whnever I'm tired.
But whr are you now?

牵着他的手,心里却全是你.

2009-05-17T08:30:00.003+08:00

Tired .

Celine kicked vball nd her slipper flew off, twice!
Nd she's got a new nick, she's 红ster! :D
She wear red mar, so I call her tht lor.
Hahahahas!

Hke-d w millie, peirong, kaivoon, sipei, doreen nd peishan ystd.
Vball-ed until my hands v pain, ._.
GAAAAAAAH.
Nd I'm dead tired now.

My w-love set up is cuteeee! :D

2009-05-16T11:52:00.001+08:00

MySpace Music Playlist at MixPod.com

2009-05-16T11:25:00.002+08:00

Once bitten, twice shy.
W/o those hurts, we won't learn tht we need to protect ourselves.
Life's tht ironic.

Aft crying my lungs out, you're still at her side.
No matter wht I do, wht I never did, you still don't believe.
Trust, or don't trust.
It's just tht simple, nd so easy to break it as well.
You had a dream, but I was never one of your main character.
I am understandable, I can read your mind, boy, you know I can.
Leaving, is not because I don't love you anymore.
It's just tht I'm tired.

Loving you, is th most tiring thing I've ever did.
I don't know whr I found th courage to leave, but I did.

I never wanted to leave, do you know?

2009-05-16T00:45:00.004+08:00

我们都长大了。

Having been through so much, we all know how short forever is.
We all learnt to treasure wht we have now, to give our wildest time a most beautiful memory.
I can't carry on weeping for you, can't do stupid things anymore.
To had given my utmost, I have nothing to regret.
At least, I did loved.
Everybody grow up w scars in th heart, not just me, I know.

I will cont to smile. (:

Cherd, I miss you.

2009-05-15T23:36:00.004+08:00

You was so real, standing just beside me.
Now, you're just a piece of abandoned memory.

You left me drowning in tears of memory.

Love, I love.

2009-05-13T21:36:00.002+08:00

Hope's fading away .

Everything's just not right. Things shouldn't be like this. We shouldn't be awkward, we shouldn't be having second thoughts even whether to reply to your hello. I don't want things to be like this. It's just so so so so weird . D':

I had such a bad cramp tht I almost fainted, nd caused me to walk slower thn a snail. It almost killed me, really. Thnks to tingzhi for th ahemahem, cheekim wh gave me those panadols, nd jason for cycling to th mamashop to help me buy chocolates. Went hke, as usual, bball-ed w kids nd vball-ed w yuhua girls.

How I longed for a boyf, one wh's going to put his hand on my stomach so tht it won't hurt so much. I remember, you used to do tht. Will I find another guy wh's willing to? Hais.

I don't know why, but I like you.

2009-05-12T20:54:00.007+08:00

I actually can turn my back against you nd leave th way you did, too.

2009-05-11T22:43:00.006+08:00

Stupidly, I left my house at 12.30pm, thinking of meeting millie at 1pm.
Whn I reminded her agn nd agn is meet at 2pm, ._.

Pizza hut's trip was a total disappointment.
Yihuan's warm chocolate icecream is out of stock.
We got ignored whn we ask why one plate of th chickenwings had arrived, but th other did not.
Had to say alot alot alot alot times of excusemezxzx.
I seriously don't mind paying a dollar nd mre for better service, this is just plain outrageous.
Ain't customers always right? GAAAAAAAH .

Yihuan nd millie are crazy alrdy.
Thy ran up th escalator tht is meant for pushing th carts down.
Aww, I did too. ;x
Thy ran twice, I ran once.

I want chip nd dale.
I want tht necklace from precious thoughts.
I want everlast topzxzxzxzx.
I want sony w980.
I want tht nike blue nd grey bag.
I want macbook.
I want money to fall from th sky. (!!)

Don't ask me why, just nod nd say you do too.

2009-05-11T22:14:00.002+08:00

So many times I was alone I couldn't sleep
You left me drowning in the tears of memory
And ever since you've gone,
I found it hard to breathe
Cause there was so much that your heart just couldn't see
A thousand wasted dreams rolling off my eyes
But time's been healing me and I say goodbye

Cause I can breathe again, dream again
I'll be on the road again
Like it used to be the other day
Now I feel free again, so innocent
Cause someone makes me whole again for sure
I'll find another you

Could you imagine someone else is by my side
I've been afraid he couldn't keep myself from falling
My heart was always searching for a place to hide
Could not await the dawn to bring another day
You're not the only one so hear me when I say
The thoughts of you that just fade away

Cause I can breathe again, dream again
I'll be on the road again
Like it used to be the other day
Now I feel free again, so innocent
Cause someone makes me whole again for sure
I'll find another you
Sometimes I see you when I close my eyes
You're still apart of my life

But I can breathe again, dream again
I'll be on the road again
Like it used to be the other day
Now I feel free again, so innocent
Cause someone makes me whole again for sure
I'll find another you
I'll find another you

Another You by Cascada (:

2009-05-10T19:53:00.003+08:00

How, how did I ended up this way ?

2009-05-10T01:14:00.003+08:00

Teach me how to wipe away those endless thread of tears.
I gave in my utmost, all my love, everything.
Yet, you harshly left me thr, all on my own, feeling so helpless.
Did you ever felt tht kind of helpless, tht kind of panick before?
Suddenly, I lost everything, lost you, lost myself.
I heard my heart broke into a zillion pieces.
I frantically tried to pulled you back, but you pushed me away w a sorry.
Sorry can't bring back anything, can't help me to find myself back.
You broke my trust, my love, my innocence nd everything.
I won't be myself anymore, I can't.
It's no longer th same, tht brokened me can't be fixed.

How, how am I going to live on w.o you?

2009-05-09T23:29:00.005+08:00

Hke is in a total mess now, it's as though a hurricane just hit it.
A day w.o th cleaner nd thr's 20plus bottles, 15plus cups, 100plus pieces of tissue lying on th grnd.
Wht a typical part of Singapore.

Intended to go Sentosa for cheesecake, but I lazy travel.
Wanted to go Queensway for currychicken, but millie lost interest in it alrdy.
Thn, wanted to go Swensens for banana split, but realised did not bring ezlink card.
Hence, stayed at hke.

LOL!

& Happy Bday nd Mothers' Day to my mama! <33

PS. I want Mumu.

2009-05-08T22:35:00.004+08:00

No matter how sweet somebody can promise you forever, it's just a white lie.
Well, split second of happiness is better thn nothing, right?
I'd rather be lied to, thn to be hurt by th truth.

PS. I'm in love.
PPS. I'm not telling you wh.

2009-05-07T22:49:00.001+08:00

没有了你，
我该怎么办？
……

2009-05-07T22:18:00.003+08:00

Memories, are too heavy .
I can't carry thm on my own.

Pillow, how could I forget?
You know wht I mean, boy, I know you remembers.
I just need a shoulder to count on, you know.

2009-05-07T21:48:00.006+08:00

Nothing is alright, nothing is fine.
I'm not th least okay, nd I'm breaking down.

Patching up aft a breakup is pointless.
Once th word 'breakup' is even said, everything has busted.
It has alrdy broken th faith to believe tht we really can be together.
Once smth is lost, even aft you've retrieved it, it's no longer th same.
Tht part tht's lost will always be lost.
Even a th most fragile mirror tht has brokened is pieced back has cracks.

I'm not controlling my temper well.
I'm losing my cool.

当初就不该相信你.

2009-05-06T15:50:00.007+08:00

It's nice to knw tht you were thr, thnks for acting like you cared.
Nd making me feel like I was th only one, it's nice to knw we had it all.
Thnks for watching as I fall, nd letting me knw we were done.

You're gone, nd tht's th fact.
You will never be back, hurt can't be undone, we won't be like before anymore.
We all know, it ain't my fault, not your fault, also not her's.
Shoulder th memories nd walk this lonely lane on my own.
I'm determined to face life, w courage you've never seen me w.
Because you left, made me realise alot of things.
I've been through so much tht I don't know.
To be so in loved, pampered, thn to be abandoned, brokened nd became so helpless.
I think, I've really grown up this time.

Th last never-bye became forever .

Goodbye, my love .

2009-05-05T16:30:00.003+08:00

I've let go .

2009-05-05T13:30:00.003+08:00

& I woke up at 1.20pm today.
Can't possibly go sch now nd mark attendance, saying I overslept, right?
I slept at 9pm last night, which meant I slept for 16hr20mins.
Gaaaaaaah, I'm such a pig.

How I hope I can sleep like this everyday.
I dreamt of you last night, nd you were thr.
I never wanted to wake up, so long you're thr.
All I ever needed, is to see you thr.
Yet, reality is still cruel nd dreams just don't come true.

Nobody has ever been close to my heart, since you've abandoned me.

2009-05-04T23:07:00.002+08:00

如果我说，我不想你走，你还会离开吗……
现在，好像太迟了……
我挽回不了当初很爱我的那个你，更挽回不了最初的纯真……
毕竟，那时的冲动已经被时间冲掉，成了回忆……
回忆，真的很可怕……
可以让一个人傻笑，也可以让一个人情绪失控……
我好累……
笑了又哭，哭了又笑，一直重复，自己都要崩溃了……
我能抵达终点吗？

2009-05-04T22:15:00.002+08:00

没有了你，我该怎么办？
..

I still feel lost, I don't know whr I am, neither do I know whr I'm heading to.
Helpless, paranoid, afraid.
I've lost myself th day you said love.
I allowed myself to sink in, because you said love.
It's because of this word, love.

It has been half a year, not long, neither short.
You have a new girl, another plan for future, a whole new life.
Yet, I'm still standing here, wondering wht to do.

Cried, nd found th reason to smile aft tht.
It's because I've promised you tht I'll be okay, hence I tried.
My heart still hurts, but I'm still going to smile all th way till th end.
Because I promised you, nd my promises aren't meant to be brokened.

Maybe, I'm moving on.

I am a soul-less person, wandering abt, hoping to find someone to rely on.
Hold me tight, see me through my hard times, stay to see my achievements.
Such simple requests, yet nobody could fulfil.
People don't stay, love walks away, passion fades, nothing lasts.
You will never ever know how deep you've hurt me, you will never feel my heartache.
No point to want you back whn your heart's no longer thr for me.
I figured out, love had walked away.

I broke your heart, so you broke mine too.
Retribution? {I guess so.}

I've got runny nose, nd cough, nd headache.
Feel so sick on my 16th bday, it's such a wet blanket.
So, I'm suppose to put a mask to sch tomorrow?
Ohmyshyt .

2009-05-04T14:45:00.003+08:00

In a blink of eyes, I'm 16 .
A year has passed, wht I've got, I've alrdy lost thm.
Wht's left behind are your traces.
Traces tht tells me I used to love somebody so deeply.

You didn't turn up.

My nose is going to drop off.
Maybe I should start breathing from my mouth instead of my nose.
I hate, being sick. (!!)

I cried, because I missed you.
Nd missing you reminds me tht I've promised you to be happy.
I will, I really will.

Love, I love.

2009-05-03T22:01:00.002+08:00

I want to walk away, I want to abandon all my responsibilities .
Could I?

2009-05-03T21:47:00.004+08:00

Grandpa, take me w you.
I can't live on, I don't want to face tomorrow.
I'm not part of this family, ever since you're gone.
Thy don't regard me as a family member.
Thy say I'm not your granddaughter.
Thy say I'm not my parents' child.
Thy say I'm of diff blood as thm.
I feel v helpless, so helpless tht I can't breathe or wipe away those tears.

Beer, why can't you make me high tonight?
I want to smile, yet I can't.
Beer, you've failed me.
My heart still hurts nd my tears can't stop.

2009-05-03T21:38:00.002+08:00

I cried my heart out today .

Tomorrow's 4th May.
You've left me for half a year alrdy.
Tomorrow's 4th May.
It's th day I promised I will show you my chnge.
Tomorrow's 4th May.
It's tomorrow, tomorrow, it's tomorrow.

I hope, tomorrow won't come.

I felt so miserable today, my heart ached so badly.
I've lost myself, th day you left me.

Love, be thr, will you?

2009-05-03T12:11:00.001+08:00

I can't carry on living this way .
It just seems so wrong.
My life's ruined, nd brokened.
I'm no longer me.

Boy, I'm dreadfully tired.
You promised me a shoulder, but whr are you now?

2009-05-02T23:38:00.008+08:00

I just need a shoulder to lie on, a sleeve to wipe my tears.

I'll be fine just tht memories still do hurts.
I can't pretend you have no impact in my life, whn you mean th most to me.
Time could wash away so many things, including our promise to grow old tgt.
Is my fault, for breaking this beautiful relationship w my wuliqunao.
I was so naive, to believe tht our love will bring us to th end.
Whn you were still mine, I never imagined how life would be w.o you.
Whn you made up your mind to leave me for good, I realise, I've lost everything.
How did our love went haywired?

Aft we broke up, you still held my hands.
You said, give us some time but why, why have you fallen for somebody else?
That's how long your forever is, boy, I'm so hurt.
You said we're going to make it through tgt.
But why have you abandoned me, all on my own?

Tears are hot, memories are scalding.
Boy, you won't ever know how I felt, whn you're gone.
Miserable, helpless, panick, nd so small.
It'll take me ages, to get over.

I know you still care, I know you can't let go too.
I know, how hard you tried to compensate me.
I know, we both had th urged to hugged each other.
I know, love never ends.

我真的很爱很爱你呀…

Because I can't hold your hand tight, tht's why I choose to let you go.
My world's too small for you.
You putted up w so much, boy, tht's why I can say I don't love you anymore.
If you were in my shoes, you will understand why I can't help feeling paranoid.
You were like a top artiste beside me, I felt like a small despo fan.
I know, you never bear to let me cry, never bear to leave me alone.
Even aft we broke, your care, your concern touches me still.
I hurt you so badly, yet you cont to pamper me, why?
Dejian, I don't understand.

2009-05-01T19:34:00.002+08:00

Sick, down w cold.

Slept th whole day away, nd yet, I'm still feeling so tired.
My eye bags disappeared, aft my 14 hrs of sleep.
Can't even lift up my limbs, feeling so restless.
Muscles aching, joints aching too.
I feel so miserable, D':

I had th urge to go sentosa tday, for th sake of tht super delicious cheesecake!
Sentosa's cheesecake is super niceeee der, but super exxxx too.
Millie jio-d me go, but can't climb out of bed until 5pm?!
Thn, wanted to go out nd meet her at night.
But my mama nagged nd scolded me, for treating this house like a hotel.
So, went back to sleep.
Meeting her tomorrow at 10am, for mac breakfast!

Food always excites me.
It makes me highhhhhhh!
I want sentosa's cheeseake, queensway's currychicken nd swensen's bananasplit!
Mwahahahahrs!

I thought, we might be.

你心如此害怕黑暗,原来什么都被锁上.

2009-04-30T23:26:00.003+08:00

如果你从没出现, 我会不会觉得快乐一些?
My love, broke.
I lost my faith, nd failed myself.

Last year's today, I was still grieving over my grandpa's death.
Although it has been a year since you've gone, thr's still nights whrby I remembered how you laid, peacefully on your deathbed.
Everytime we want to go out, you'll tell us to ride our motorbike carefully.
Whn we prepare to go shopping, you'll give us money to get things we want.
It used to be like a daily routine, taking money from th wardrobe to go shopping.
It was an everyday thing, to take keys nd go out on our own.
Whn you're gone, everything just chnged so much.
Th wardrobe's locked nd we ain't allowed to ride motorbike anymre.
Things ain't th same anymore, w/o you thr.

I'm sorry, for all th things I've said nd done.

2009-04-30T22:28:00.005+08:00

I was shocked, surprised nd touched today .
Thnks, friends, I love you two th most! :D

Got tricked to hke, nd millie lied a white-lie to me.
Yihuan surprisingly called me to go hke to meet her at 4pm.
It was weird, because yihuan doesn't seem to like going hke.
Thn, millie said her mum don't let her go out nd told me she replied late because she's online.
But, I was online too nd she wasn't even online.
Reached hke nd saw yihuan trying to hide, nd found her, w millie?!
I was like wondering why millie is thr whn she said she can't come out, x.x
Nd thy were hiding smth from me nd it's a bday cake, made by thm. (!!)
I know thr's many guyzxzxzxzx wh are jealous right now.

My wish, I know it's going to come true.
Thnks for spending th time nd money on me.
Thnks for always lending me an ear, a shoulder to rely on whn I needed you guys.
Thnks for putting up w my bad attitude prob nd my breakdownzx.
Thnks for every thing, every single thing you guys have done for me.

Thr weren't fanciful decorations, thr weren't grand bday cake.
It only had th true care nd concern for each other, true friendship, true sisterhood love.
I'm really v touched, (:

Thn, we vball-ed nd sent yihuan home, thn went back hke w millie.
Chatted w zehao nd zhaoming, nd home-d at 9.30pm.

Swine flu is so scary, nobody knows whn it will knock onto one's door.
I won't ever ever ever ever eat pork anymore, x.x

I love T.Yihuan nd Millie.L! :D

2009-04-29T23:37:00.002+08:00

Th breakup, was wht me nd you never anticipated before.
We used to believe tht we were made for each other, because of wht we had in common.
Yet people tend to chnge as time goes by.
Perhaps, we really did loved so deeply before, but th passion faded along th way.
Before we even realise, differences were breaking up us.
To th end, we realise, we can't work things out together.
I'm glad, tht at least, we used to be so true.
People scold me stupid for letting you go, but I saw your sorrow in your eyes.
I pulled you back nd wanted you to stay.
It killed our love, murdered tht passion, backstabbed everything.
Now, I'm all on my own nd you've found another girl.

Boy, I miss you, I always do.
Your name runs through my head 86400 times everyday, images of you wet my eyes every night.
I still love you, I still do.
But it's over, nd we could never pretend tht th hurt had never existed.
We're over, just sososososososo over .

I wish tht you're by my side, right now, at this momment.

2009-04-29T22:48:00.002+08:00

Thr's this kid at hke wh pissed me off badly tday, nd I even cried.
I swear, th next time I play bball against him, I will elbow him until I shuang .
Kid, you fcukingly watch out, pangpang hates you.

Anyway, thnks to millie, zehao nd dayan for all your anweizxzxzxzx.
Although dayan nd zehao a lil bit too bhb ler, it was still v funny.
Since you all don't want people say you shuai, I jiu say you all not shuai lor.
Okay lar, you all not shuai lar. {Haah!}
Millie, thnks for lending me your shoulder nd let me dirty it w my dirty face.
I love you tonnes lurhs. ;x

Bball-ed nd vball-ed th day away, went home at 9pm.
My bones are like going to fall apart alrdy, x.x
But being at thr is so stress-free, nd I really enjoy being just myself thr.
It's th only place I can smile nd cry as nd whn I like.

Should I go sch tomorrow? I feel so sick now .
I've been running in nd out th toilet since I reached home 2 hrs earlier.
God damn it, wht had I ate? D:

I have a weird feeling.

2009-04-28T21:19:00.002+08:00

Stalkers, get a life.
My life ain't yours, you won't feel wht I feel.

Sumpa today's th worse day ever, spent away my last $30, toe bled, shoot 10 balls, 10 also can't get in, got smacked right onto my eye nd accidentally left th vball at hke. x.x
But I have friends wh make things right.
My friends saving money w me, millie help me take tissue, gave me chances to shoot, ask me if I'm alright nd some help to take th vball.
So, I'm contented.
Wht more could I ask for, whn I have friends to rely on whn I needed thm.

I don't need a boyf, seriously.

Boy, I've let go.

2009-04-27T22:39:00.009+08:00

I'm locked up in my own world, whrby nobody can enter.
Memories of you, all th heartaches, all those tears are locked within me.
I won't drop a single tear infront of anybody anymore.
Made up my mind tht I'm going to live my life more exciting thn yours.
Not going to slash nd hurt myself agn, even though my heart still hurts.
It's just impossible to let go, all tht we've been through, can't be forgotten.
I'm still trying to, forgive.
Slap tht love, kick th lust, my heart is dead.
No point trying to revive it anymore, I don't want it to live anyway.
I'm still me, w or w/o love.
Dejian, I promised you to be happy, nd I will.

Sch was boring as usual, dead tired during lesson.
Metup w bigbird aft sch at hke.
Peirong, kaivoon, stephanie nd another girl came find us nd played bball.
Me nd bigbird played vball w those yuhua girls too, thy fierce siol.
I feel olddddddd, oh manzxzxzx.
Is like all is sec 2 or 3, only I sec 4.

Oh ya, I met wildboar at sch today, nd we shouted "wildboar" at each other. ._.

Small things, sum up nd made me happy today.

We don't have forever to spend crying, those tears are just not worth it.
Stay positive nd smile to everyone, (:
I'm really going to be okay.

I don't want to think abt you anymore, it's useless.
Useless, wht a blunt word I'm using, but it's wht I'm trying to say.
It's useless, it's not worth a damn at all.

I wish to die of cold, nd not extreme heat.
If cold, at least, my body be frozen nd well-kept by nature.
But if it's extreme heat, my body will become ashes nd be seperated.
I felt tht doomsday is near, nd I can't help being not paranoid.
Oh manzxzxzxzx, I want a babyboy nd babygirl before I die ley.
Boo!

Dread going sch tomorrow, have to run tht damn 2.4km agn.
Is like wtheck siak, last week I did ran for it alrdy, nd I did passed.
Now, thy want us to retake, saying it's not official.
Damn.
Can you imagine how fed up I was whn I heard tht annoucement?
I was thtthtthttht dulan.

2009-04-26T20:38:00.002+08:00

I cried .
So many questions I've asked, yet wht I got was silence.
De jian, you really bear to see me so brokened?
Why, why had you became so heartless?

De jian, I really love you.

2009-04-26T19:40:00.002+08:00

Dear heart, I've let you down agn.

I can't betray my feelings, can't pretend I don't care.
I do feel empty whn I don't see you, I do miss you.

It's you.

2009-04-26T00:15:00.003+08:00

Today, I'm tired .
So tired tht I can't get rid of your image inside my brain.
So tired until I don't have th energy to wipe away those tears.

I need, your love.

If one day I'm no longer thr, will you realise I'm gone?
Perhaps, not.

2009-04-25T01:02:00.002+08:00

Memories are vague yet th love's still so clear.
I can't wipe away those tears, it's just an endless flow.
Th heartache is too breathetaking, until I forgot how to grasp for air whn I tried to hold my tears.
I still cries for you, I still do.
Because I love you.

I really don't need you to pity me anymore.
Wht's over is really over, I've convinced myself.
I could do nothing other thn let go, seriously.
I've got nothing to hold on to anymore, since tht day you've made up your mind.
You didn't loved me enough to make it through together.
Never-bye became our last goodbye.
Never gonna meet agn, never gonna cross paths.

Once agn, th clock strucked 12am nd I long for your hug, just one last time.
It's like you've never been thr yet you were.
You did held me, you did hugged me, you did kissed me, didn't you?
Did we ever loved? I really wonder.

I never loved somebody so deep.
Whn you left, I figured out, you're th man I'll only love, forever.
You apparently showed me you no longer care.
Yet I'm still sitting here, counting every secs you're not here.
Stupid, yes I am.
I stupidly fell for you, I'm such a stupid person.
I'm so stupid tht whn everything comes to an end, I still love you.

我想你.

2009-04-24T23:16:00.002+08:00

You forked out your time nd money, whras I forked out my love.

Nobody is able to turn back time, you can't undo th hurt you've done to me.
I couldn't erase it, so I have to live w it.
I'm going to be okay, just not today.

Memories run through my mind whn I walked past tht block.
I did felt your existance, it was so real, yet so fake.
Shivers run down my spine as I remembered your promises.
All tht once made me smiled, stab through my heart.
Brimmed tears in my eyes reminds me you're not thr to wipe away my tears anymore.
Whn my phone's not on my hand, I realise how empty I felt.

You held me to reach th peak, now tht you've suddenly let go, I'm falling.

Tired .
Zehao thy all kept on disiao-ing, damn.

GAAAAH!
Today I bought a hp strap. {ya, no big deal.}
But I was tossing my phone w it, nd it broke nd my phone fell onto th floor.
Nd, thr's 3 cracks on my phone nd my front camera died. D:
So, I'm using back my old phone, nokia5300.

Piece back my heart nd return it full.

2009-04-23T23:41:00.001+08:00

因为真的很爱你，所以很愿意放手。
我一直告诉自己这么做是值得的，眼泪却不停得流下来。
我真的受伤了。

2009-04-23T22:36:00.003+08:00

Is thr tomorrow ?
It's not I'm want to behave so paranoid-ly, but I'm really afraid once I fall asleep, I can't wake up anymore..

Stupidly, I started to miss you all over agn.
You gave me faith nd courage to live on, but I'm losing thm now.
Will you find thm back for me, agn?
Th warmth, th hug, th kiss, th passion, th love, tht you.

..

I drew you, w my tears.
Memories are vague, yet th love is still so clear.
I love you, only you, just you, always you.

Late for sch today, arrived at sch at 10.30am w yihuan.
First time late this year ley.
Gaaaaaaah!

Metup w millie aft sch, bus-ed to je.
Wanted to go lavender to make tht insect's ic.
Yet, she left her birth cert etc in my class.
Hence, went imm nd longjohnsilver-ed.
Thn, hke-ed nd js-ed.
Nd home sweet home! (:

"Hold my hand, don't let go", was wht you said. Do you remember?

2009-04-22T22:51:00.003+08:00

I'm physically tired yet emotionally energetic. (!!)
Just reached home, nd bathe.
Had a longgggggg day, went queensway, thn js to ball, hke to study.
Nd I love th currychicken, it's always tht nice nd I always can't eat finish.
It's kinda stupid to go all th way to queensway just for currychicken, but th simply delicious currychicken makes th trip worthwhile.
I'm sosososo obsessed w th currychicken lar until I don't mind if somebody buys me tht for my bday.
I'll love tht person if he/she buys tht for me ehs. ;x
Aww, we saw an elmo 3D cake, super cuteeee ley.
But even buy ler also won't bear to eat it lor, seriously.
..

I think, I like you a lil more thn yesterday.
Though I know it's no longer possible between us, I'm glad you're always thr for me.
I know, to you, I'm nothing just thn an ordinary friend.
But to me, you really mean a lot.
You won't know wh you are, because I've alrdy decided to keep this within me.
You, stay as my sweetheart.
Never leave me, I don't want to risk another friendship for relationship anymore.
Because only friends stay.

I felt wht tht seemed to be th aftmath of tornado, just less thn half an hour ago.
It's like doomsday is nearing, nd deathgod is awaiting for us.
I never felt this scared, until just now.
Seeing those trees almost collapsing, I thought it's my last day.
I don't want to leave my family, it's only thn I realise how important thy all are to me.
Though I always say I hate my mama or papa for things thy does, I really love thm alot.
I can't lose any of thm, I really can't.
To me, thy're everything .

2009-04-21T15:52:00.003+08:00

你知道吗？
我已经为了你把握的幸福牺牲掉了…
我真得很听你的话，努力的活下去…
我接受了我的命运…
我真得很象很像你…

你知道我有多么的爱你吗？

是我没把握你，是我摧毁这段恋情…
原来，你什么错都没有……

我把你的爱当作理所当然，一直享受着你给我的爱…
以为你明白我，以为你有那么爱我…
我好后悔，可是已经挽回不了了……

现在，我只想默默祝福你幸福快乐…
真心祝福你……

2009-04-20T21:13:00.002+08:00

I'm tired. (!!)
Rant, rant nd rantzxzxzxzx!

Pangpang only love you, whn will you ever understand?
I'm not popular, I'm not good, I'm an evil biatch.
Tht's how I am, in your eyes.
I couldn't forgive myself, I really can't.
I miss you, boy, I miss you.

I never want to stay awake.
I miss you so.
So so so so badly.

2009-04-20T19:52:00.004+08:00

Tired .

I know, I have been giving people this bochup look th whole day.
Well, really didn't had th mood to smile.
Tomorrow's 21st nd if we were still together, it would had been our half year.
How time flies. x.x
Suddenly, I'm going to be 16yo, nd your promises had alrdy been washed away.
This bday, thr's no you, it won't be special anymore.
How I wish I will get you for this year's bday, but I know it's not possible.
Wht's gone is alrdy gone nd never be back.
I'll be fine, just tht it's going to take me don't know how many ages.

Still, smiles.

Everything's gonna be alright.
Stand tall nd smile, I'm th bravest nd strongest pangpang! :D
I can do it, (:

Wh will understand my fear?

2009-04-19T17:32:00.002+08:00

I'm tired.
Badly need a shoulder for me to rely on.
Don't talk abt feelings anymore.
Feelings tire me out.

How many ily(a) I've heard, I've forgotten.
I didn't knew whn nd how I became such a bitch, I don't know how many people I've kissed w, either.
Counted nd realised I had over 30 ex boyfs yet, I could only remember 2 most important dates.
One is a man wh never loved me, whm I loved so deeply nd, another was one wh loved me deeply yet I've hurted him.
Is thr a problem w me, or is it just because all those guys whm I've met tht have th problem?
Will anyone slap me nd wake me up from thinking I'm going to find th one by trial-nd-error?

我曾經，離幸福很近很近，近到以為一伸手，就能碰觸到天堂。
然而，真正伸出了手，才發現所謂的幸福，只是不堪一擊的泡沫，稍一碰觸就會破碎。
而愛情，就像握在手中的沙，愈是用力想握牢它，就愈快自指縫流逝，無論如何緊握雙拳都是徒勞。
夢醒了、心冷了，愛情，也失去了，無助地掬了滿掌空虛。
凝視著空蕩蕩的雙手，從此，再也不相信天堂，不相信承諾，不相信——愛情。

2009-04-19T17:04:00.002+08:00

It has been ages since I last got myself so dead drunk.
Th aftmath of every drinking session is a huge headache nd blueblacks everywhr.
Well, no pain, no gain.
I gained a problem-free night nd got th pain(s) in th morn.

I'm a person wh escapes from all problems, I hate facing reality.
Useless, tht's actually wht I really am.
Sometimes, I really wish we don't have to think so much before deciding.
Choices get me thinking, gets me frustrated, kill my smiles.
I don't know why, I suddenly detest having to think so much.

I don't want to think now, for all I care.
I'm escaping, yes, I am.

2009-04-18T23:40:00.003+08:00

答应我，你会幸福。
& I'll be willing to sacrifice mine for yours.

Let th love fade away, just like th passion we used to have.
Looking back, is my mistake.
I will not turn back anymore, let time wash away all those memories.
No matter how we did loved each other, nothing could bring it back anymore.
Love, really doesn't matters tht much.
Happiness is wht it's all abt.

只要你幸福，我真的怎样都好。

Crampzxzxzxzx, for two days alrdy.
Had alrdy finished a box of panadols . x.x
Gaaaaaaah!

我是PANGPANG勒！:D
真的很坚强，真的忍受得了，真的能继续开心对你笑。
不需要办不到的承诺，不需要天长地久，不需要编制好的故事情节。
真的真的会好好走下去，走到尽头。
还是会哭，但我也还是会继续微笑。
明天一定比今天还要好，我坚信。
所以，别担心我了哦~

It's late ler.
I want go orhorh ler, x.x

晚安哦~

2009-04-17T23:11:00.005+08:00

I'm sad .
Lonely night agn.
You promised me tht I'll never be alone.
But whr are you now?

Cher De Jian, you won't ever know how much I love you.
You won't know how I miss you so, you won't know tht I still do love you.
You won't hear my heartbeat fading away anymore.
You won't be thr anymore, you won't hold my hand anymore, you won't hug me anymore.
You're gone, just like this.

Wh reassured me forever?
Wh reassured me love?
It's you, do you still remember?

I love you, I still do.
Nobody ever said tht 3 words to me before, except you.
Nobody said neverbye, except you.
Nobody will say sorry to me whn I wuliqunao, except you.
Nobody made me feel he or she is my everything, except you.
It's all you.

Do you still remember?
How sweet we were? How we quarrels? How we fight nd hug? How we loved each other?

Whr are you?
Why am I drowning agn?

2009-04-17T16:54:00.003+08:00

I really can be alright, can smile nd laugh along w others, aft a big cry.
I've alrdy learnt how to wipe away my own tears, i've alrdy learnt to be on my own.
Smile, tmr's always a better day. (:

Yihuan is a cookie monster!
She's head over heels for subway cookies.
It's th second time we went jp this week, nd thr's pratically nothing to walk thr.
Nd I seriously want to try tht chocolate icecream fondue at billybombers.
Tmr going town w yihuan, maybe millie's going too.

Yihuan's going to spend money on dream . (!!)

Hahahahrhs!
I'm alright, I'm alright.
Reassure you guys, I'm super duper uber alright.

Unless you're first day know me, if not you'll know how food kills my emo-ness.
Lalalala~

I love big big ballon which has small small ballon inside! :D
Nd yihuan love big big smiley face ballon! :D

Nd I finally kaiqiao ler, want to start mugging alrdy.
Only 4mths plus to my 'n', aft shopping tmr, jiu should become a geek nd hide at home.
Must get at least 4As, because I know I can't manage my combined sciences nd humanities. x.x
So, I SHALL GIVE MY BODYFATS TO MY STUDIES, ;P

我不爱.

2009-04-16T17:47:00.005+08:00

I am just a nobody.

But why are thr people wh just loves to be updated abt my life?
My life is not meant to be talking topics, seriously.
It's stupid to see so many people stalk nd pretend thy don't.
Nd, furthermore, I'm just a nobody.

I love th way I am. I love th way I laugh like nobody's business. I love th way I stomps whn I'm angry. I love th way I howl nd cry whn I'm down. I love th way I don't pretend to be others. I love th way I am so real. I love myself, so deeply in love w myself. (:

I don't change myself to be w other people, I'm so real. If backstabbing ever works, I wonder why will people dislike you. It's typical, A backstab B infront of C, C will feel tht A is not a good person, yet feel B is more kelian. So, isn't it pointless to backstab, whn backstabbings get back to you one or another way. No matter how hard one could try, this couldn't be changed. I admit, I do talk bad of people infront of my closer friends, whm I trust. But I trust thm to know tht I'm telling thm to spill out my dismay nd not backstabbing. I also don't psycho people to believing one's bad, I trust people make one's own choice. Nd I still believe in my closer friends, thy're real to me, I'm sure.

Gawdly, walked through a big drain, was screaming like siao.
I'm still so afriad of height, nd drains.
Eversince tht incdent. many many many many years ago.

I still miss you, but I know, it's really over.

2009-04-15T16:13:00.002+08:00

Yesterday has alrdy been over.

I'm still sad, over wht he has said.
No matter how hard I try to pretend he's just an evil person wh loves to hurt me, w all his comments, I couldn't.
I don't know why am I like this.
Why, I've never been so bothered by it.
This is th first time, I felt so hurt over such a thing.

I accidentally bit my tongue last night, nd it's still pain. T.T!
Feeling so sick now, don't know why either.

19 more days to my bday. (!!)
If you still remember your promise, will you come to find me?
I miss you.

2009-04-14T20:14:00.004+08:00

It's amusing to see how people curse people for making a small thing big whn thy thmselves try so hard to make a smaller thing bigger.
This is a tag-o-war .
Nd, I don't understand why are you guys so prejudice against me, whn I barely know you at all.

People wh knows me v well will know wht kind of person I am, (:
Ask millie, ask yihuan, ask iris, thy know best.

I still believe tht I'm a good person. I still believe those wh knows me v well loves me for wh I am. I still believe tht people are good-hearted by nature. I still believe I'm in this world for a good reason. I still believe tht I will find tht special him. I still believe I could make it big. I still believe tears will eventually dry. I still believe tomorrow is going to be a better day.

Had mcspicy meal for lunch w yihuan at js mac.
Was happily eating until a jjc guy came forward nd ask for yihuan's number.
He's full of confident, nd I was like stunned.
Thn looked at yihuan nd burst out laughing, lol!
Aft finishing th meal, walked to jp on our poor legs.
Walked arnd, couldn't find wht we want, but spotted more new stuffs tht I diedie must get.
I want tht rainbow huge carebear, it's so cute-alicious! :D
Nd made up my mind to buy new fake eyelashes aft losing one side of my old one, one tht I opened nd had not used before. x.x
Thn, walked home.

I'm so glad tht thr's always people thr for me whn I need you guys.
I really do appreciate all those times you all willingly lend your ear to me.
I don't take your friendships for granted, I treasure thm alot.
I know I do have bad attitude prob, nd always luanluan scold people.
But, I really do treasure our friendships, I really want to make all last, happily.
Some things do last, example, kinship nd friendship.

(: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (: (:

Sad day but made me realise tht friends are always thr for me.

2009-04-13T16:10:00.003+08:00

Yes, you were mine.
Yet, it's just were.
Nothing could chnge th fact.

I feel so small, so insignificant.
Cry, cry for wht?
I don't know, just tht I no longer could control my emotions.
Useless?
Guess tht's wht I really am.

2009-04-13T15:59:00.003+08:00

Amused by wht th PASEERBY2 tagged, lol.
I don't know wht you're trying to hint at, or maybe, you've tagged at th wrong tagboard.
Firstly, I didn't mention a 'her' in my blog post, so wh are you talking abt?
Secondly, wh's tht 'he' you're referring to? Do I happen to know him? Because I was only writing abt two specific guys.
Thirdly, wht you've said has no link to wht I blogged.
So, I'm like, trying to figure out wht you are trying to say, I think you've tagged at th wrong tagboard
Well, no offence but if you don't know wht you're trying to tell me, don't tag thn.
I never force anybody to tag, lol.

Classmates or foes under cover?
Tiring day at sch, but time flew v quickly.
Fetched sis home, nd here I am.

YAY, TOWN THIS WEEKEND W YIHUAN! :D
It's been ages since I last shopped, two weeks ago ley.
Grr.

2009-04-12T19:10:00.002+08:00

Right now, all I ever want to do is to hold you tight, nd rely on you.
You might not know wh you are, but you are.
I want to believe we could work things out together.
I never felt so desperate for someone to lean on.

Everybody changes.
I don't care if you was a hongster or not, wht matters is you're not alrdy.
All tht matters is now, we don't have eternity.
I accept everything you said, I believe in you totally.

Well, it's still you wh is going to made th decision.
Forget it.

I felt hot tears flowing, maybe it was a hallucation, or maybe it's real.

2009-04-12T08:22:00.002+08:00

原来心中那道伤口还隐隐作痛.

Letting you go, is th only thing I could ever do.
Deleted all th messages you've send me, deleted your number, nd your home tel no.
You were my last selfish act, to hurt him to be w you.
I regretted, but I still couldn't undo it.
If we did had stayed as purely friends, this won't be th outcome.
I would still be happily w him, nd perhaps, celebrating one year in a few days time.
It's not your fault to not love me, it's my fault tht I'm unworthy of your love.
Wh could I blame?
Only myself, only me.
I stabbed through your heart, yet I still didn't let go.
God knows how much I wish to take back all those things I've said to you.
I took you as a punching bag, rely on you for everything.
I know, I've hurted you.
But because I don't dare to give up, I've been making you suffer w me.
I'm sorry for everything, your life will be much better w/o me.
You won't realise, I'm gone from your world.

Let dha love fade away.
I'm never going to love agn.

2009-04-11T20:26:00.004+08:00

Subconsciously, I saw wht I thought love is, in your eyes.
It's a beautiful dream, to be held in your arms, to hear your heartbeat.
I got to held on to you, whm not everybody could had been able to held on to.
Aftall, you did belonged to me, nd I did felt tht I was yours.
It's a beautiful dream, tht we two used to share.
We've been in this together, now tht it's over, all th more we should treasure those sweet memories.
In relationships, thr really isn't any righ or wrong, just love or don't love.
We did loved before, didn't we?

I'm letting go, subconsciously.
Because you're my love, seeing you sad is something I never want to.

I don't love to own you, I love to let you have your happiness.
Maybe I did sacrificed my own happiness, but life's too long to apprehend.
Perhaps life isn't tht long, but I still believe tomorrow's going to be a better day.

I'm not a girl w powerful vocabulary words, yet I write w my heart.
I'm contradict, because choices are meant for us to choose.
I'm cheerful, because I don't want those wh cares to worry.
I'm a imperfect perfectionist, because everybody makes mistake.
I'm confident, because nobody's going to give me courage tht I need.
I'm quiet, because I thinks alot.
I'm impulsive, because time waits for no man.
I'm myself, one nobody could ever replace.

I went through so many up nd downs, yet thr's still more.
Life's tht contradict, how policeman will lose their jobs if baddies don't exist.
Nd how we going to live on w/o obstacles.
I will make it through.

All th heartaches, made me stronger.
I might had lost faith, but I did not lost passion.
So long th passion burns, I'll always be able to pick myself up.

I need a shoulder to let me cry out all my heartaches.
I'm so tired.

2009-04-10T13:39:00.002+08:00

不爱了.

因为我的心真得很痛很痛.
因为我不再相信.
因为没有人会陪我到最后.
因为爱情是个玩笑.
因为牵我手的人爱的人不一定是我.
因为我要对自己好一点.

因为我正在很努力的学会坚强 .

2009-04-10T13:28:00.003+08:00

Boy, I love you .
But you'll never know.

Why did all those sweet memories became knifes?
It's so hard to believe now, wh's going to be thr whn I need someone thr.
Th first time we quarrelled was on 1st Oct 2008.
It's only thn I realised I fell for you, do you know?
All along, I only thought we were together because fate brought us together.
Yes, fate did, but love didn't existed between us.
Or maybe, it was just a lustful relationship.
I thought forever was really going to be near, yet it distanced.
Your heart never belonged to mine, it was so near, yet I couldn't catch it.
All those things you've said nd done tht made me touched, could only make me cry now.

I could vividly remember how you tried to proclaim me yours aft tht quarrell.
You were so nice, nd all.
Yet, you aren't even here now.

2009-04-10T09:16:00.003+08:00

我像失了魂的小孩，彷徨又失落。

Because my love will never be back .

Blue said hello nd ni hao to me, but I stupidly replied ohs.
Aww, I'm such an idiot ley.

做不成情人,做朋友也很好. (:

2009-04-09T16:37:00.003+08:00

My heart's been brutally hurt, until I no longer want to fall in love alrdy.
Until I forgot how to trust, until i forgot th feeling of happiness.
You were my everything, whn I lost you, I lost everything.
I pinned in too high hopes on you, I realise.
I don't want to cry, I don't want to.
But how could I not?

Don't promise me you'll always be by my side, nobody will.
It's just a lie, a white lie.

2009-04-09T16:10:00.002+08:00

I'M PISSED .

It's like I'm getting over yet I don't want to, but I know I have to nd is still trying to.
Gaaaaaaah, life's tht contradict.
Everybody's two-faced, just like you, just like me.
I choose to trust myself, I do have reasons to only trust myself.

All those hurt has been done, we can't undo or delete thm.

2009-04-08T13:36:00.003+08:00

Sick, nd I need you so badly by my side now.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

I don't love, I don't love!
He sucks big time.
I'm so going to get th My Exboyf Sucks tee soon soon.

Promises are meant to be broken, this is wht you mde me found out.
You won't ever be thr to see my cry, my ugliest side, because you'll never be thr.
It's over, like it has never started.

I won't remember th way you smile, I won't remember th way you kiss me.
I don't want to, nd I can throw away memories tht you have thrown to me.
Since you can do it, so can I.

Lalalala~

2009-04-07T21:22:00.002+08:00

My heart cried, not me.

Because I miss you, because I can't let you go.
Because memories are too sweet, because you were so real.
Because I really did felt tht you had stood beside me nd held my hand tight.
Because I really did felt tht you hugged me from behind, telling me everything's fine.
Because I really did felt tht forever was awaiting for us.
Because I thought, future will be like how we've planned.

Wht's thr to uphold?

I don't love, I'm not going to sink in.
Goodbye, my love.

2009-04-06T23:02:00.002+08:00

I just randomly feel like keep on posting nd posting.
It's like a crazy idea, but wht to do whn I'm huachi-ing.
Gaaaaaaaah!

I still think millie ran because I sms-ed her tht thr's a butterfly behind her lei.
Must be because of me de lar.
I've alrdy learnt how to thicken my skin alrdy, haah!

Today has been a gruesome day.
Was walking to sch w yihuan whn I saw a head-less rat lying dead on grnd.
Thn, was walking home nd I saw birds eating tht rat.
Gawddddly ehs. x.x
Was in hke's girls toilet whn this grp of malay girls used a stick nd swept a dead cockroach into one of th chambers.
I won't go in to tht toilet anymore, zzz!

Because of you, I want to fall in love agn. (:
Because you makes me wanna believe, believe tht love still do exist.
Because you're u-nique.

2009-04-06T22:54:00.002+08:00

5 True Facts Abt Millie! :D

One,
Millie is Millie-pede.
Two,
Millie's best friend is cater-pillar.
Three,
Millie 饿死 alrdy.
Four,
Mille thinks grey is better thn blue.
Five,
Millie eats v fast.

2009-04-06T22:45:00.002+08:00

Today's a day of emotionzxzxzxzx .
Life is full of ups nd downs, so is my mood.

Sch was boring as usual. Met up w millie aft her napha test thn ate lunch in mac. Btw, eating mac got me a detention class. Thn, slacked nd went home to bathe. Nd out I come out agn, to meet millie nd stephanie. Stephanie left thn we went arnd to slack.

I met both of thm today, it's like mixed emotions.
Blue is th kind tht tgt will have future derhs, whras grey is th kind will give a romantic love story derhs.
Don't give me false hopes if you don't like me ehs. x.x

PANGPANG {L} ~~GREY/BLUE~~RAINBOW! :D
Not going to sink in until you tell me you really do like me too.

2009-04-05T22:51:00.002+08:00

Defination of trust?
I've forgotten.

How could I ever accept th fact I fell for th guy wh flirted w my friend?
How could I ever accept th fact my friend flirted th guy I fell for?

Yes, you were mine.
Yet, it was just all past-tense.

I didn't wanted to cry, but I couldn't help it.
All th ilys are a chain of lies .

If I could stopped looking back.
If .

2009-04-05T22:39:00.004+08:00

要死 & 饿死! :D
Posted it last time, randomly felt like posting it agn. x.x

Saw blue today tht made me so highhhh nd kept on laughing to myself.
Guess I've acted like an dumbass today, but it's alright.
I love th way he smiles nd say hello, everything you does is labelled adorable to me.
This crush, I'm going to keep it within me.
You're special to me.
You make my life seems meaningful, nd give life to my oh-so-boring life.
You, yes, you. (:

Caterpillar, sorry.
I shouldn't have asked you abt tht.
Sorry, I was just curious.
I'm really really sorry . D':
Seeing you cry, made me felt like crying too.
Cheerup, we're th 死friends nd you can always count on me.
I can't promise you I will always be thr whn you need a shoulder.
But I can promise to cry w you whn you're sad.

Met up w caterpillar at 2plus thn went js.
Thn meet up w weiru, zhuowen, bowen nd hwajun at 3plus.
Been ages since I last catchup-ed w thm.
Thy're still old, nice nd friendly, nd bullying weiru nd zhuowen is still my fave.
Poker-ed nd decided to go hke, thn we all went.
Played bball nd slacked till 9pm nd home-d.

God knows how much I yearn to be w you.

2009-04-05T00:20:00.006+08:00

I'm willing to give up everything just to stop missing you.

Once agn, midnight struck nd cinderella's no longer a princess.
Tht glamourous dress, shimmering lip gloss, blue eyes, elegant heel disappeared into th air w/o a trace.
Cinderella is beautiful, is kindhearted, is special.
Yet I'm just an ugly duckling, not v kind, not even special.
If I'm pretty, you won't leave me.; if I'm nicer, you won't leave me; if I'm special, you won't had left me.

How superficial we all are.
We said never let go, yet we weren't even able to hold on to it.

Cher De Jian, because I love you just too much.
Tht's why I'm willing to let go, tht's why I'm willing to learn to let go.
Those lies, wh can remember?
Only me, only I, will remember everything.
Even th warmth from your hand was a lie.
Wht's real?

I'm hurt, so badly this time rnd.
Time are like concealers, only able to conceal th scar, but never fade away th pain.
Time passes like wind, yet th hurt's like earthquakes.

Nobody accompanies one forever, yet those hurt done will.
I won't be able to forgo this beautiful lie.
This lie tht slapped me awake, tht life's not a love story.

I'll be okay, tomorrow's always a better day.

我要我自己堅強我知道我能做到我就要活得比從前更好
123深呼吸就感覺這力量叫做翅膀準備飛翔
我的想法很簡單沒有他們的複雜我背負一個偉大的夢想
123深呼吸我呼吸愛的力量學著讓自己勇敢
我知道你知道還要全世界看到我的真心和希望
&深呼吸/宇恒

2009-04-04T22:54:00.002+08:00

我下定决心不再触碰内心的那道伤口. (:

It's all because I love you too much hence I no longer wants to be your burden.
You are th most beautiful accident in my life, you always will.

Caterpillar was late for 3 hrs today, nd I quietly waited for her at mac. Finally, she arrived at 1pm thn we vballed nd bballed. Went home to chnge clothes because clothes was wet nd dirty. Thn met her at 7.30pm agn. First time she reach on time lei. Slacked nd chatted till 10pm nd went home.

Grey or Blue?

Catch me before I fall.

I'm happy today! (:
Because of grey.
You've made my day.

2009-04-03T23:27:00.004+08:00

Because forever's too long to reach .

I shall be fine, I will be fine.
I'm still not alright, maybe not in these few months or years.
Shouldn't have been so silly.
Shouldn't have placed all my hopes on you.
I thought you were true.
I thought you will never lie to me.
I thought you really do love me.

Th hand I once held so dear, is no longer mine.
Th man I love, never loved me.

How I wish time could stop at tht momment we first hugged.
You are still th one I need.

Irreplacable, I will say.

Because you ain't mine . {Heartbroken-ed}

Whr were you whn I needed you so?

2009-04-02T23:17:00.002+08:00

Pangpang is not alright at all.
I just miss you, just sosososo badly.

Just reached home not long ago, nd bathe. I'm dead tired. Evil royston bully me nd mille w two ite guys. 3 big uncles bully, T.T! Originally was playing a match, thn restart agn, restart agn, restart agn, restart agn whn it's 10 to smth. So, ended up, played for 2 hrs. Obviously, we lost. Lol.

Well, cried at hke, agn. My mum loves to threaten me, so wht can I do abt it? She loves to push me to my end nd one day, I might just commit suicide like this. x.x It's like unreasonable, how can she scold me for smth tht's not even real? My results didn't even dropped. Instead, thr was improvement. So wht kind of shit was she talking abt? Rebutted her until she was speechless w my progress card. She didn't believed th results on th progress card until I showed her those test papers. Wht a mum I got. No point forcing me to do things whn I don't feel like doing so, you'll just push me over nd tht's it. If one day I was so reckeless, I will have taken away my passport, bank book nd I'll leave home once nd for all. Perhaps, it's been too long since I've last left home tht made you guys no longer worry for me. I should really do some things to attract you guys attention back. All you guys care are my sisters, never me. I hate th fact tht I've got siblings, wh snatched away all parental care I need. D;

2009-04-02T15:02:00.002+08:00

32 more days .

Do you still remember your promise to me abt my 16th bday?
I think, you've forgotten, or maybe, it was just a casual remark.
My heart hurts so badly, for th one I love.
Was drawing your pic, whn tears well up in my eyes nd started to flow.
Th you I've known, is no longer you.

I'm learning to let go, but could I?

Sick, headache.
I'm just sosososo tired.

2009-04-01T21:01:00.003+08:00

Pangpang is in a foul mood.
Pissed, upsetted, disappointed, angry nd confused.
Nothing is working out right.
Life's just a piece of junk to me.
No matter how hard I try to be happy, I just can't stop crying.

Suddenly, I felt life's just so unfair.
I thought I was going to see him today but he did not turned up.

Today's so April Fool, nd it's Ms Lui's bday.
Wht a joke thy pulled on y.jiamin, it's too over le lorhs.
How can thy play w her feelings, she's hurt by tht lei.
Evil guys, such jerks.

Pangpang is not bangbang.
If I'm bangbang, I'll bang you alive.

Gaaaaaaah!
On sat, millie asked me wht's my name.
She's so "cute" hor?
She thought my name is pang pangpang.
Crazy lei her.

2009-03-31T21:15:00.004+08:00

I used to, wail like a baby whn I cry.
Now, it's all silent mode.

I'm sad.

2009-03-30T23:13:00.001+08:00

Gone were those days you used to hug me tightly nd say I'm yours.
I felt tht I did belonged, I did thought of forever whn I'm w you.
Maybe I was tht immature, maybe I was tht gullible.
Just because I knew my feelings won't fade, I never considered if yours will.
How foolish I was, to believe forever's eternity.
Now tht I've grown more mature, I realise, forever's never long enough.

I condemed my life between js nd hke.
It's like daily routine nd I'm getting sick of it.
Maybe because of previous lessons, I've learnt to pull myself out before I sink in.
Suddenly don't feel like smiling.

Maybe I've pretended so well tht I forgotten how to fade th smile away.
I feel just so not me.
Felt like crying out today, but held back my tears.
I'm so afraid, maybe one day I won't be able to hold back nd just break down infront of you all agn.
My heart hurts.
But I'm not going to affect anybody's life anymore.

Keep my sorrows to myself, tomorrow will be a better day.
Hopefully, it will.

2009-03-29T21:17:00.003+08:00

You didn't even have th guts to deny.
Well, th more you pretend, you will only piss me further off.
It's th end.

I'm so highhhhh today.
He's zomg cute lurhs, tall nd muscular lei.
Must have been th influence of him, I think.
I'm like crazyyyy over him, gaaaaaaah!
Th way I was crazy over yuanhong, lol!
So, if you want to know wh is tht, try stalking me while I stalk him.
Bwahahahahahrhs! ;B

Went out w 饿死 agn.
She never fails to make me laugh de lei.
Evil her, keep on repeating th "我生气了了哦!" tht I said.
Nd everytime I said tht, I will blast out in laughter.
Gaaaaaaah!
I'm tht laugh-able, esp w my girlfriends! :D
Girlfriends are loved. (!!)
I just wish time will stop whn I'm w you all.
Enjoyed those times we spent tgt.
You guys just never fail to make me laugh, really.
It's because of you all, tht I'm laugh-able.
I laughed nd laughed nd laughed, till tears flow.
Yet those are tears of laughter.
I'm just so happy to find people w common interest as me, willing to listen to me, open our hearts for each other, don't even think of making use each another, treat each other wholeheartedly.
It feels great to have someone thr for me. (:

Maybe I'm going to be heartbrokened agn, but wh cares wht future has in hand for us?
I only want to live my life happily, nd I'll be contented.
Just repeat aft me, 友谊万岁! :DD

2009-03-29T11:44:00.003+08:00

You two belongs together, I was just an accident, I guess.
How hard it is to forget everything, will you find out?

Because you said you loved me, tht's why I allowed myself to sink in.
You promised love, you promised future, you promised only me.
Whr are all those promises?
Gone w th wind or erased, forgotten or unimportant?

Because I love you, tht's why I never allowed myself to cry infront of you.
Not going to let you see my weakness, not going to make you feel bad.

How many times had you reassured me you will always be thr?
I took down every step you take nd followed so closely, whn we walked to th dead end, thn did we realise tht we're just not meant to be.
How long it's going to take to get over you?
How am I going to shake away every smile you gave me?
How will our lives turn out to be, will we meet agn?
Why have we became like this?

You said, never-bye .
But whr are you now?

2009-03-29T01:07:00.003+08:00

Once agn, it passed midnight.
As morn drew nearer, my tears will dry nd traces of all those tears will be gone.
How many nights have I been missing you?
How many times have I cried for you?
I've lost count.

Th heartache feel so real, as real as th way we first met.
It's liked you've never been in my life, yet you could still take my breathe away.
Hated how things turn out this way, but wht could I do?
I allowed her to killed those passion, those feelings, tht love.
I allowed you to fall for another person by my pressure.
I allowed myself to sink in so deep.
I could blame nobody but myself, I brought it all to myself.

21st Sept 2008 is th day I thought I found th one.
Because I was afraid to lose, I held so tightly onto you, making you want to break free.
Yet, you still managed to break free.
I held on to you like a kite, because I exerted too much force, you broke off.

I wish, nd I wish, I never allowed all these to happen.

How could I not cry w those memories of you?
How could I stop missing you every day nd night?
How could I erase every memory of you?
How could I?

Because I still love you.
One could like alot, but only love one.
Pangpang loves only you, forever nd ever.

2009-03-28T23:20:00.006+08:00

要死 nd 饿死 went gaigai tgt today, nd our legs are aching so badly.

Met up w 饿死 at 11am, bus-ed to je nd train-ed to bugis.
Ate spaghetti for lunch, while 饿死 ate chickenrice because long queue at pepperlunch.
I though not spicy one means will be like regular, yet it was like sosososo sweet.
Thn, walk arnd bugis, trying to find some things.
Yet, couldn't find a single thing tht I want.
Train-ed to payalebar nd went to cityplaza.
Got called by some guys, 胖胖, whr th hell am I fat?
I'm not 胖胖 or BangBang, I'm PangPang lurhs. x.x
Bought a bag nd train-ed back to je, bus-ed to js.
Met some humjikias on th bus, scold thm one sentence jiu diamdiam.
You think you all nerd like bolampa I jiu scared of you ar?
Thn, bball-ed awhile nd bus-ed to hke.
Ate nd walked back to js, crapped w 饿死 nd went home.

饿死 helping eat to finish my lunch, lol!
Die die must post some photos of her, I got far too many in my phone! :D

2009-03-28T22:36:00.004+08:00

Trust?
How does it feels to be able to trust?

I trusted once, trusted twice.
Yet, wht I got was betrayal, backstabs nd a brokened heart.
Maybe not being wh I really am, is th only way to protect myself.
I'll always laugh, no matter wht.

Th last time I broke down infront of yihuan, was th last time I allowed myself to be weak.
Threw my bag, threw my phone, hugged my legs nd trembled, cying.
I howled, screamed, banged my head nd slapped myself.

A friend won't treat me like this, a friend won't flirt arnd her friend's boyf nd try to occupy her friend's boyf as her own.
Tht day, th trip to queensway w you made me found out just so much things.
You kept on poking my at-tht-time boyf, whn your friends are arnd, trying to indicate to thm, he's yours.
You tried too hard to get his attention yet he can't be bothered w you nd held my hands instead.
Yet you just keep on doing so, agn nd agn.
Thn, tht day whn me nd him quarrelled.
You were sms-ing w him, treating me as transparent, not even willing to let me know.
I did asked, yet you denied.
He promised me no secrets between us, so I forced him to tell me.
Fine, you were just trying to cheer him up.
Yet, you, as my friend, just left me thr, to wipe my own tears.
Did you knew how awful I felt?
Thn, you told him things to make him lost confidence in our relationship.
You told him so many things tht killed th passion, killed th feelings, broke th love.
Know wht, tht relationship foiled, partially because of you.
Tht day, before we went to queensway, we alrdy met up in th morn, just tht you didn't knew.
His messages asking you if you like him "too", I've read all.
Your replies are all th I-don't-know(s), nd not even a word 'No' appeared.
I went to meet up w you aft leaving him, hoping you will tell me abt those messages, yet you did not.
You was so happy, maybe because of those messages.
So happy tht you couldn't even see my tears.
My trust for you, just broke tht way.
You were one of my only two closest friends, yet you did not tell me.
Is tht wht a friend is supposed to be?
It ain't a small thing, it is important, do you know?
We were just trying to sound you out.
Nd, you thought tht he really do like you nd told me you like him.
So, you think by telling me tht, I will give him up to you?
It's not possible, because it's all planned by him nd I just acted along.

History seems to be repeating itself, nd yes, I felt heartaches .
You know wh you are, nd you know how true these are.

2009-03-28T00:00:00.002+08:00

I have th every right to cry, laugh, scream, howl nd whtever .
You've got not a single right to control my life.
I love my attitude prob, like I give you a damn whn you hates it.
I'm not made to smile to everybody.
I do have emotions, I do feel hurt.
Not supergirl, I'm superficial though.
Gaaaaaaaah!

You're th 36556289634 person to complain abt my attitude prob, retarded.
By telling me wht to do, you're pissing me off.

I love to cry, I love to laugh.
I love to scream, I love to howl.
I love to whtever nd anything.
So now, WHT'S TH BIG DEAL?

Gaaaagaga.
I'm so so so so obsessed w myself, didn't you realise?

Stop talking cock w me, I'm not even a bitch.
You know wh are you.
So not interested in wht you think of me.
Just felt like bluke-ing because I can't fall asleep.

LALALA! :D

2009-03-27T22:31:00.002+08:00

Pangpang is pangpang.
Pangpang is not bangbang.
Gaaaaaaah!

Was on my way to sch w yihuan, as usual.
Thn, we met this disgusting guy wh grinned in th most ewwww smile at us.
Nd we hurried to sch, because we were running late.
Thn, sch-ed.
Had chem test, chinese test, socialstudies test, also, chinese oral exam.
Aft tht, met up w millie nd went to js.
Thn, meet up w yihuan.
Saw th disgusting fellow agn.
He was sitting just behind us, nd he smiled in such a sheepishly way.
Gross.
We left js mac nd went hke for mac instead.
Leemei came.
Vball-ed nd bball-ed.
Thn, went tuition.
Nd, home sweet home . (:

You've became a past tense .

2009-03-26T22:17:00.002+08:00

Support EarthHour 2009!
Switch Off All Your Lights On 28 March 09 From 8.30pm To 9.30pm .

Don't take me for granted .
I'm not your tool to get to know guys.
I don't hate w/o reasons, will you realise?

2009-03-26T22:09:00.002+08:00

I hate things being snatch from me.

I feel so alright, though I did cried today.
I don't know wht went into me, but before I realise, tears were dripping onto th paper.
I wrote your name on my table, nd I tried so hard to erased it today.
Yet th ink just don't budge.
I don't understand.

I don't know why, but ever since his incident, I just can't trust you anymore.
I feel tht you're going to snatch my boyf away.
You always fall for my boyfs, I realise.
Maybe thy're all right, I should really stay away from you.

I'll smile, just not so soon.

So many funny things to blog abt, just tht I don't have to mood to.
Protect my heart, I'm not going to let anybody get near it anymore.
I will be selfish, not going to care abt how anybody feels.
This year, all I want to do is, treat myself better.
Because I gave in my utmost, tht's why I got hurt just so badly.
I'm not going to be a fool nd let it affect me all over agn.

It's pointless.

I feel like shit .

2009-03-25T21:31:00.003+08:00

他没有错只是没有爱我很久
他没有错是我飞蛾扑火
我求一个经过不妄想一个结果
他没有错

他没有错只是没有为我停留
他没有错是爱的不是时候
他没有错只是没有陪我到最后
没有陪我到最后

& 他没有错/范玮琪

2009-03-25T21:07:00.003+08:00

It's over, before it even started.
Thnks for had given me your time, thnks for not leaving me thr, thnks for giving me your hand to hold, thnks for tolerating w my sweaty palm, thnks for letting me kiss you, thnks for all those memories we had today.

But still, it's over.

I hate you, this life, for eternity.
Leave me nd never come back.
I don't ever want to see you agn.

Don't ever mention th word 'love' agn, I'll hate you for tht.
Don't say sorry to me anymore, it's pointless.
Th hurt has alrdy been done, you can't sew th scar back just by sorries.
It just ain't going to help.
Sorries won't wipe away my tears, won't lend me a shoulder.

Smile?
If only I could.

2009-03-24T22:33:00.002+08:00

Gaaaaaaah, I shouldn't have posted ystd post.
Sorry, dear.

So now, I bluke-ing now.
{I was like talking to millie, thn I want to say 'blog', but I pronouced it at 'bluke' just out of sudden. I think I'm crazy, lol .}

Right now, I'm wondering why I started missing you.
You're not th worth th miss, totally.
I shouldn't be even thinking abt you at all.
You're just a jerk.
Still, I just can't stop missing you.
210908 is over, you have 010309 nd I have 210309. (:

Thr's this dog in sch, w vagina nd talk cock in my sch.
I hate him more thn he hates me, thnks god.

Sch was boring, as usual.

Bonding session is LOL.
P.E lesson was boliao.
Recess is like nothing.
Maths lesson made me fed up.
English lesson killed time.
Chinese lesson lullaby me.
Biology lesson is slack.

I hate to admit it, but yes, I'm falling for you.

2009-03-23T21:04:00.002+08:00

Baby, I feel tht you're keeping alot of things from me.
Should I even ask, do I even have th right to?
I feel so unsecure today.
I realised, I know nothing abt you.

I can't help not falling.
I just want to be w you, but I'm afraid.
Once bitten, twice shy.
Fall in love agn, it almost seem like impossible.

Wht could I do other thn to wipe away those tears?

2009-03-23T20:28:00.002+08:00

I don't know how to start writing, but before I realise, I've typed a sentence.

I miss th way you said never-bye.
Why did you left me alone whn I needed you th most?

I'm just missing you, just missing you.

Th world is cruel, nobody's to trust.
Not even th one I love.

2009-03-22T22:42:00.002+08:00

ROARS .

Happy Bday To You!
Happy Bday To You!
Happy Bday To My Gay!
Happy Bday To You!

Caterpillar 虫 is afraid of butterlies.
She was saying: If got a butterfly get near me, I'll scream.
Thn, th next, she was screaming.
Because, right aft she said th word "scream", a butterfly hovered over her head.
Bwahahahahahrhs! ;B

Gaaaah, my tooth is still aching.
I just found out it's a milk tooth today.
So, I think it's going to drop soon? D:
I shall cut down on sweets nd junk food nd drink milk everyday.
Must remind me uhs. ;x

People do chnge, no matter it's for th better or worse.
I realise, wht tht has been over will never be back.
No matter how much we've been through won't make a person stay.
You've chnged so much, you're no longer th him I used to crazed over.
You're so different now, even if I meet you on street, I won't be able to recognize you.
You, your heart, your everything just chnged.

So, holidays are over?
T_______________T
I really thought it had just started la.

2009-03-22T15:15:00.005+08:00

Perhaps it's just another fairytale.
Maybe I'm going to wake up soon.

Wht tht hurts still hurts.

Gaaaah, I know I shouldn't be saying all these.
But it's just how I feel lurhs.
God damn it.
Why am I such a bitch?

Th tears have dried, th bleeding had stopped.
So whn could I stop missing you, stop wanting you back?

So, holidays is over.
Just whn I thought it has just started.

2009-03-22T14:18:00.003+08:00

Stalkers, get a life larhs.

So, I slept at 4am last night, got wokeup by millie's message at 8+am.
Thn, went to sleep agn, woke up at 11+am.
Breakfast-ed nd slacked until now.

I feel like shit now.
Pardon my attitude prob nd emo-ness these few days.
I just feel like ranting.

Yihuan, cheerup kay?
I know it's disappointing how it turns out this way.
Still, losing is part of life nd we'll have to move on.
No matter wht, I'll always be thr for you.
You'll survive it through. (:

2009-03-21T21:57:00.005+08:00

Gaaaaaaah, I'm in love! :D

210309 (!!)
I loveeee my gay .

Toothache, agn.
Met up w millie at 11am at jp, thn we headed to queensway.
Orderd our friendship tee nd ikea-ed.
Thn back to queensway for mcflurry nd it rain-ed.
Aft tht, bus-ed to js, talked awhile nd played bball.
Nd, home sweet home. (: